counting down the moments...

again, with the come back of everything. this time, i really, REALLY REALLY hope it will be the last time that i have to do this. your's truly here is going to Russia to do medicine in a few days time.

my whole 2009 was a HUGE mess, or should i say, errmmmm... blessing in disguised maybe?it all started at last year december, went to another, and my last exchange to Italy. had one of my MOST EPICLY awesome time over there and came back at feb 2009. right after i reached malaysia, parents started talking to me abt my college, university, future, bla bla bla.... then it all happened..

college for 6 months, everything, EVERYTHING was planned out soooo smoothly and nicely that it was almost impossible (and it was). plan was : start college for 6 months, then take indonesian entrance exam, pass it and move on to uni in indon. WOAH! i still remember vividly, during that time, i whole head was fulll with omgs and wows...

ok plan started off really well, college was definitely memorable and FUN. took entrance exam, passed it and started celebrating. went to the uni in bandung, then all of a sudden, POOOF!

''i am sorry liyu zin eu, but u cant continue ur studies in Universitas Padjadjaran. its our policy to NOT allow colour blind students to study in here, im sorry...''

ok nevermind, i still have a back up. USU, in medan. so went back malaysia for a week, then off to medan. studied there for 1 month and half, another drama awaiting.. ''im sorry liyu zin eu, but u cant study in USU anymore due to ur colour blindness'' ''but i thought this university doesnt have the rules or policy saying that u dont accept students like me?'' '' for ur information, we JUST set the rules early this august after the 1st batch of first years came in, u came in at september, so i the rules are inforced now. im sorry...''

alright then, if He up there doesnt want me to study in indonesia, then fine. but please, PLEASE, do not let me go through this kind of drama again, i've had enough ups and downs, and its almost reaching my limits...

no more drama in russia, no more....

*keeping my fingers crossed*

i know that im strong

physically and mentally

but i just hope

JUST hope

that i have more strength

to take charge of my life

to control my own destiny

fucked up

i dunno where to start, everything is sooo messed up in my mind now. but, one thing is for sure, i do miss home a lot, i mean seriously, i REEEEEAALLLYY miss home A LOT! i have never been soo damn homesick before.. ;( sometimes, i do feel like i dont belong here. everything here, everyone here, is not for me. i have been here for nearly a month now, and at some nights, i really feel like that i have made the wrong decision coming here. i even feel regret for being here, since im here, everything in me seems to fall apart. im actually trying hard to be the person that i used to be last time, my character, the liyu zin eu that he used to be, sometimes, i dun even recognise myself... and now, typing my heart out, in the middle of the night, how pathetic! i really need someone to talk to, someone that can relate to my situation, not just anybody... to all my dear peeps who are reading this (u know who u are), i just want u to know that i miss u guys EVERY SECOND. not just an ordinary 'i miss you', but sincerely from my heart, i really do miss u all. i missed everything u guys did together, i missed all the fun that i was supposed to be in. that feels like a stab in my stomach with a freaking knife. it hurts... badly.. and to that special someone who gave me the portrait of us, i love u so much for doing that and really appreciate what u did, thats like my medicine when im diagnosed with freaking-miss-you-guys syndrome. LOL ;D anyway, what the hell. im telling u, the only fucking reason im staying here is because of my dream, and if this shit place doesnt deliver that to me, im gonna freaking burn this university down man.. alright, thats everything that i need to say, feeling much better now... ;) p/s : i've never been blogging since like forever.. ;p -mission accomplised- [Lee YOu]